Your original false solution for everything is going to nudge you till you die.
My original false solution is hope. Actions based on hope. Hope that things will be OK, or better.
Or that I am ready now… that I’ll survive.
I could not see this until I got myself into the situation where my survival is not handled yet, of maybe even can’t be handled no matter what I do.
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It is like being waterboarded… again and again and again.
Waterboarding is, of course, a torture technique designed to break an enemy captured.
Horrible. Even if you survive you have PTSD, nightmares.
And much of this ordeal with my health was like waterboarding… whenever I set my head on a pillow on the bed.
Whether it will last of not is still a question: I don’t have the courage to test it tonight. I’ll do the sitting upright, leaning against something catching minutes of bliss that way. That way at least I am only tortured by tiredness, not by the fear of drowning.
Yesterday while I was looking for a way to end it all, I wanted to post on Facebook: if you can’t sleep, you can’t live… or something like that.
I hadn’t known that. I used to always be able to sleep. Maybe not as well as I wanted to. Maybe not as long as I wanted to, But I could sleep.
Now I can’t. Hopefully I can learn to sleep again.
Sleep again in bed.
So tonight I was testing out some of my own energy audios to see how well they will stand up to the panic this sense of suffocating death creates.
I tried a few. Some, interestingly, conveyed the anxiety I had when I recorded them.
But one has performed amazingly. Of course it is no proof yet, but as soon as I removed the audio, the panicked breath returned… As soon as I removed the ear bud.
the audio is called heaven on earth silent short.
—I wrote the above a few days ago…
Yesterday I had a breakthrough insight.
I was, or better said, the body was trying to heave. But my stomach was empty, not even water in it.
It was dramatic. it was heroic. but most importantly, I could see through the spaces between what was happening that my body was strong. And it wanted to live.
That allowed me to change my mind. I had thought before that my body was ready to go and I was holding it back.
Between you and me I had never fully committed to life. After all I had overheard my parents talk about me, when I was an infant, saying that I wasn’t supposed to be alive.
It is true that I had a bacterial invasion on my body. It is true that it made me cough. It is true that I felt like I was drowning. It is also true that the Bit Bundle could have solved the whole issue… but the coughing was so intense, I gave up on it.
It is true that every breath feels like the last one. And hurts. Mightily.
But counterpoint to that: the body wants to live.
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My work is to take humans from the Valley Of The Shadow Of Death to the Promised Land… to Human Beingness. This post might be an important milepost in that.
I read an article in the Howard Business Review that points out a worldview that is at the root of you staying a potential, you staying an effect, in every area of your life.
Although the article is a business article, business is a great analogy to life. Another great analogy is travel.
Travel is a much easier, much more accessible activity, so I will use it, while, if you want to read the original business article, I am enclosing it.
In this article we’ll talk about the source of the many energies, and examine what they do.
Energies that come from Source, from All-of-it, generate harmony.
If you read the description of all the energies I embed in audios or in water, all of them are elimination type energies. None of them give you anything that’s not already there.
What is between you and between being in harmony with All-of-it is man-made
I have read at least one article about each possibly missing virtue saying that it is the root of all failure.
Some I may have even written myself.
But now that I am working closely and intensely with one student, and listen in to what others have to say, I must reconsider.
When in spite of some teaching, when in spite of a new way to look at one’s life, a person still comes up with the same garden variety ineffective behavior, than there must be something there that literally prevents them from from self-correcting.
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Maslow, emergency, up to your arse in alligators – do you have the skills to be successful?
I have a friend. We’ve just recently created an alliance: we support each other in our goal to build a new business. He builds one for himself, I build one for myself. For fun and profit.
We talk on Skype. He teaches me more about people and about what might be the reason people are underachievers than anyone before… not because he is especially screwed up, but because of the context: we talk to build… different from my normal calls, which are coaching calls… got it?
Here are the things I am learning about what is missing to be a winner, to successfully build something new:
The face, the faces, and the space in between…
When we talk about being present. When we talk about self-awareness. Awareness… We talk about more than just a bubble of reality with no relevance, no relationship to other things, spaces, or people.
No matter who I try to talk, they always end up more aware of one aspect, but not of the whole. The ‘in relation’ is missing, and it doesn’t seem to be missing for them, while in essence that is the most important aspect of living.
We live in relationship to everything… and the secret of humanity’ existence, is that for thousands of years this wasn’t an issue, it was how things were seen, rightly.
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I have been talking, talking, and I don’t think I am being gotten.
I make people raise their hands on calls when they got what I said, and I can feel that they are lying, some of them, when they raise their hands.
Why? Because getting something is not the same as memorizing it.
So here is am, 720 articles and 50 weeks worth of webinars later. And as usual, I am playing freecell. Suddenly images from a movie I saw a few months ago start coming up in my mind. Bubbling up.
The movie is “Almost famous” and all the scenes star the actress of Fargo fame: Frances McDormand.
She is one of my favorite actresses. Why? Because her capacity to not give a hoot at how ridiculous she looks or sounds is so endearing, so empowering to me, I get courage and power for myself to look ridiculous and not care.
In this movie she goes beyond. And this is what this article is about.
I am not going to tell you the movie: I want you to watch it. But I’ll tell one piece: through her character, exasperating as it is, I have a clearer picture, suddenly, or where the people that are not getting it are.
Some of those people are my students. One of them has been with me since 2007, another one since mid-last year.
Let’s build a high vibration person. let’s build a skill, let’s build some skills
I am starting a new series that also shows a new direction I am taking my teaching/coaching practice.
The new direction is skill-building.
I watched Bob The Butler again yesterday.
I want all my clients to watch it to see some of themselves.
I love, have always loved that movie. There is something magical about it, regardless of its fantasy ending. But what?
After all Bob is a slob, a never do well, an uncoordinated big slab of a guy. He gets his vocational and relationship guidance from a hamster. Not who you want your students to be… would you?
